My oldest 2 boys are 21 months apart and were in the 3rd and 1st grades this year. Obviously my oldest has more friends due to the fact that he's been in school and involved in extracurricular activities longer. Also, parents feel a little more comfortable taking kids of his age places or having them stay the night. My point to this is, my middle son constantly feels left out because his older brother is "getting to do fun stuff". Even if I take him somewhere and do something special with just him, he still seems to be upset that he isn't with his brother or his brother isn't with us. He only has a couple of friends that I let stay over but I can't have his friends staying over just because the oldest one gets to do something. We live in a neighborhood where they usually play with a big group of kids in my front yard and that's great except it's now summer and everyone has friends staying over or are going somewhere with friends, etc. and since these boys are my oldest sons age, my middle isn't always included in those plans. How do I make him understand that he doesn't get to do everything his big brother does and that in due time he will have his own set of friends and will be doing his own thing? His sadness is breaking my heart. I need help quick!
Oh my gosh, Ide! I can't say that I'll be much help here, I just wanted to sympathize. I was the middle child. My older sister was 3 and a half years older than me. I remember bawling my eyes out because the neighbor, who was my sister's age, had invited my sis over for a sleepover and, of course, I was not invited. It was only the beginning of many years of me feeling left out and a lot of heartbreaks. I'm not sure how to ease the pain, or even if it's necessary. It's just one of those life lessons that's painful to go through. I do know that eventually as I got older and started making my own friends it got a lot easier to bear and sooner than later I could have cared less what my older sis did. We were too busy trying to plot each other's death! lol
Sorry I'm not much help here. Hang in there!
Gabby,
Just for sanity's sake, at what age did the "I could care less what ______ is doing" come into play? I am a middle child but my siblings are boys and my older brother is 21 months older than me and my younger brother is 17 YEARS younger than me so it really doesn't count. I don't have the "middle child syndrome" and I have no idea what it feels like but I do know that my heart is absolutely breaking for him almost on a daily basis now that summer is here.
BTW, not that I mind but it's actually LDE, instead of IDE. I was not thinking and typed everything in lower case.
LDE
Hi LDE!
Well, I think it was pretty much when I was old enough to start having real friends of my own. Once that happened, I didn't need my sister as much for my companion. Before that, she was all I had, which is why it was so difficult when she went off and did things without me.
Try putting him, if he isn't already, in some type of sport or club where there are kids his age to play with and bond with.
It will get easier, but there will probably always be some sort of disappointment when the older leaves the younger behind. Especially if they are close. But as time passes, it wont be so dramatic.
Interesting perspective. I never thought about how my mom had to deal with my disappointments and how it must of been hard on her.
Hope I helped!
Let your son know that when his brother was in 1st grade you didn't let him spend the night with his friends. Let him know that mommy would be scared for him to spend the night with his friends at his age. But when he get's that age he will be spending the night with his friends.